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Today is a weird day. I hated this morning because it was way too hot in my house and since I had to work at 4, I felt like I didn't have enough time to do anything truly productive. So...I spent most of the day playing guitar, which really is a lost cause, and taking a few breaks to work on a drawing I started the other day. I practiced songs that I want to play at Java Roasters on Friday night, but I am disappointed because I never feel like I can adequately express myself through that medium anymore. Oh well, I know that the next time I feel anything new really intensely, I may be able to write a song that makes me feel better at the time and that I actually enjoy playing after the fact. Other than that, I didn't really do much aside from sporatic conversations with my mom about the "menopause" play she saw last night (seriously...way too much information and not so hilarious to me, a mere teenager :) ) and a conversation with Kati. :( I am going to miss her so much next year when she is at Notre Dame and I am all by my lonesome at State. I was just begining to truly appreciate our friendship! Oh well, I am sure we will both live and besides, she is going to see !WILLY WONKA! with me Andy, and his cousin Joe tomorrow. I hope it lives up to my expectations and the trailer...

Even though today is weird feeling, I still seem to be soaking in my surroundings... I mean, I am not totally out of it like I sometimes have the potential to be on days much like this one. I feel like I really need to crack down and DO SOMETHING... I don't feel like I have ben accomplishing all that I want to be. There are just so many dreams and not enough time and too much work and stress and not enough nothing. In fact, I realized today that I don't know how to deal with "nothing" days anymore. I can't relax. I need to take up yoga seriously or meditate or something. I need to find my center...I mean really well...I need to focus so that I can spend time thinking about life and important things... I do too much worrying and making myself feel sick about things that are born in my head (sounds strange I know, but I get it and this is my journal, right?)

Anyways, there is only a little bit of work left tonight and I doubt I will read much more or do anything productive...but I swear, when I wake up tomorrow, I am going to make it a new day with much aliveness and less in-my-head-ness (unless it is contemplating things that are worthwhile).